[Editor's note: Dear reader, I would like to introduce you to our newest contributor, Josh. He is the second whitest person on the planet. Second only to myself. In fact, he's just pulling some scones from the oven for us to enjoy with afternoon tea. I sincerely hope you enjoy today's monologue. Don't be shy about letting us know what you think. -Alon]

So you got a PS3 huh?  Bet you feel special.  Well I have a little device that can top that, and, oh, IT’S IN MY POCKET RIGHT NOW. How is this possible? Because I have a motherfucking iPhone, bitch.
I got tons of games on my iPhone right now. Heard of Flight Control? I GOT THAT SHIT ON LOCKDOWN RIGHT NOW SUCKAH. I bet you don’t have any traffic control games on your PS3. Oh, what’s that you say? You can play Blu-Ray. MY iPHONE DOESN’T NEED ANY DISCS, BITCH. I got all my movies off iTunes. I rock those digital transfers, baby. I’ve got other stuff too; can your PS3 RDP to a server through IPSec VPN? No? My iPhone can do security framework protocols LIKE THEY AIN’T SHIT.

Let’s list it up:

iPhone

- Fucking slick ass touch screen
- Fits in my goddamn pocket
- Got them GPSes
- Downloads podcasts THROUGH THE AIR
- I CAN HIT A SHORTY UP ON THE PHONE
- It does my banking like a balla
- Tons of Castle Defense apps up in the piece
- Checks mah email, CAUSE MY TIME IS MONEY

PS3

- Costs a ton. Even gangstas need to use financial prudence when using their discretionary income in today’s turbulent economy. BITCH.
- If it had Flight Control it would involve tending to Flowers somehow
- No Kitten Jump
- JUST SITS THERE LIKE A SUCKER [Editor: Shouldn't that be "SUCKAH"?]

Do your PS3 games cost 99 cents? THAT’S RIGHT. MMS (in June)? Exchange ActiveSync? YouTube? GOOGLE MAPS?

That’s what I thought.