The Internet wasteland known as the Prototype Forums.

Every once and awhile I like to highlight the actions of the lowest form of the gaming republic, forum fanbois. These mouthbreathers lurk in the official forums of games and only exist to complain about the most meaningless mechanic. Today we’ll visit the Activision forum and take a look at the fanbois for Activision’s latest game, Prototype. Please note: if you have anger issues you might not want to read this; trying to punch them through the internet will only result in a broken monitor.

So here’s the thread we’re going to look at today, it just happens to be about the lack of cheats in Prototype. Yes, that is what we are covering today, a thread of fanbois complaining how there are no cheats (known as cheets from now on). Let’s highlight our first poster:

now u tell us. what a let down

y did u let the ‘CHEAT’ balloon to be inflated so much THEN pop it spontainiously

- Skeloton

I get what he’s going after in what should be the first sentence (but comes out as two sentences), but he completely loses me in the second (or is it third?!?). I could examine is word structure and grammar, but that would be too boring. Any somewhat intelligent human being can see what’s going on here, the poor kid is being beat senseless with a hammer while typing. Stop laughing, domestic abuse isn’t funny. Actually I take that back, it is for right now.

well atleast we know.sorta a letdown now it would off added some great replayibility. guess i will play some assasins creed
- antiprototype

I love this one, he complains about Prototype not having ENOUGH RE PLAYABILITY and instead says he’ll play ASSASSIN’S CREED. Yes, Assassin’s Creed, the most un-replayable game on this face of the earth. In his defense some people are scared of change so they like doing the same thing over doing the same thing over doing the same thing over again. Thank god for people like antiprototype, who else would serve me burgers at Jack in the Box on 3am Christmas Day?

FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU now im angry >_>
- corban123

CALM DOWN, JUST CALM DOWN. DON’T FREAK OUT. Dude this guy is wiggin’ out. Also I thought the appropriate smiley face was >_<.

Well done, you guys are really good at * everybody off. You must be the worst game creators ever to not implement cheats in a sanbox game. * IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!! I am defernatly never buying a radical game again, all you do is let the fans down and lie. I bet next you’re going to tell us the leg does nothing.oh and you completely * us over. I think I’ll just go and trade this back in now and get a bettergame. Thanks for wasting my money you * !!!
-Flappyman

I would like to first point out the word ‘defernatly’, he’s obviously spelling it phonetically so apparently that’s how he pronounces it. This in turn means he has a speech impediment, something with shouldn’t be apparent OVER THE INTERNET.

I HOPE U GUYS REALIZE NO BODY IS TAKING ANY OF THIS * AND I KNOW I AM RETURNING MY GAME AND BUYING SOME OTHER ONE. ANY GAME WOULD BE BETTER THAN THIS NOW THAT I FOUND OUT THERE IS NO CHEATS! THANKS A LOT GUYS FOR RUINING A GOOD GAME AND LETTING YOUR COMMUNITY DOWN. THIS IS BY FAR THE BIGGEST LET DOWN YOU COULD SAY TO US. WHAT TERRIBLE DEVELOPERS AND EVEN YOU SOKUN. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS…..A GAME WITH THAT MUCH HYPE IS NOW DONE FOR. GOOD. I HOPE YOU GET NO MORE BUYERS AND EVERY SINGLE PERSON RETURNS THEIR COPY. NOT BUYING ANY OF RADICAL’S FUTURE GAMES AND I GUARANTEE THAT THERE WILL BE NO PROTOTYPE 2 BECAUSE YOU WILL MAKE NO MORE MONEY. THANKS A LOT WE COULD ALL TELL THAT YOU GUYS CARE WHAT WE HAVE TO SAY…..
- AMERCER182

Now his username is all UPPERCASE which leads me to believe he either has a faulty keyboard or is a very angry young man. But then we look at his signature:

Question:
How Much Wood Could a Woodchuck Chuck if a Woodchuck Could Chuck Wood?

Answer:
Exactly 87 Pieces.

And that theory goes to shit, unless he copied and pasted. From reading his post it doesn’t even seem he could appreciate such dry humor. Maybe he’s playing into the stereotype the world expects him to be – a fucking retard.

I feel I’ve posted too many idiots, let’s look at a better structured post:

I personally love codes that make me god-like, because of the fact they make me god-like. I LIKE having absolutely unstoppable characters, it’s fun for me. Making the game easier has nothing to do with it. I’ve already beaten the game, gotten all WoI targets and done every Event, and got Platinum in them all. So I have no problems with difficulty.

However, I would LOVE being able to stand in the middle of Times Square having tanks and helicopters constantly firing missles at my face and being unable to die from it, ever. Not that I would just stand there, but you get it.
- HatchedHound

At least he was able to intelligently articulate his point, and you can kind of see where he’s coming from. He’s a lonely boy, he exceeds at school only to be alienated by his other classmates. He comes from a poor family so he can’t buy every videogame that comes out, and unfortunately he chose Prototype. You’d think he’d choose a game with a lot of replayability, Gears of War 2, Orange Box, L4D, or Call of Duty 4, but instead he picks a game without any multiplayer. Thus he gets his enjoyment out of constantly playing by himself in the game’s immense sandbox, but it’s not enough for him. He wants to be invincible, he wants to feel special, he wants to be a GOD. And he can’t, he is unable to because Radical didn’t have enough time to put cheets into the game. He feels betrayed, but then again he should concentrate on making some real life friends. If he did he wouldn’t have to worry about the lack of cheets in the game, only the lack of Multiplayer.

So as a special note to all you fanbois out there, calm the fuck down. It doesn’t matter when you complain, the only company that actually cares is Valve. Also, video games are great, but life is also worth living. Don’t stress about small stuff, and please learn proper grammar and spelling when posting on forums. It makes the Internet a greater place, and makes you look at lot less like a flaming retard.