So, on Kotaku Stephen Totilo was given an advanced copy of Scribblenauts, and he wrote a little article about one of his experiences. This is odd; while Kotaku receives pretty much every game they rarely review or talk about them. Way to raise the bar Stephen, you’ve raised the quality of Kotaku from OK! Magazine to US Weekly.

Below is an artist’s depiction of the level he describes in the article. The objective is to grab every flower without crushing them or dying (and then return them to a basket I didn’t draw on the left hand side). Note that in Scribblenauts you can write anything and it appears, so feel free to come up with your own solution before reading what Stephen does. If you’re still confused, how would you get past that first bee if you could use anything in the world?

Got it? Now read one former MTV journalist’s (is that what he was) quest to play ONE LEVEL in Scribblenauts.

Attempt 1: Created bear to attack bee buzzing over first flower, so I could safely grab the flower. Bear killed bee. Bear then killed Maxwell. Level failed.

What the fuck man? You’re going with a bear to kill the bee? How about a goddamn flamethrower.

Attempt 2: Made bear; bear killed bee. Laid down bear trap. Died. Level failed.

Still going with that bear eh?

Attempt 3: Made bear; bear killed bee. Laid down bear trap, ran away. Bear didn’t chase. Ran back over. Caught self in bear trap. Mauled by bear. Level failed.

Ok, now you’re just a fucking moron. Let’s say the level had a bear you had to get past, I assume you’d just chuck a grenade at it and be done with it. Instead you lay down a stupid bear trap, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING.

Attempt 4: Made bear; bear killed bee; laid trap. Bear caught in trap. Bear broke free. Killed Maxwell. Level failed.

TRY SOMETHING ELSE ALREADY.

Attempt 5: Made exterminator. Exterminator fumigated bee. Exterminator did not maul Maxwell. Has Maxwell grab first flower and placed it in basket. Approached lake containing piranha and second flower. Fell in. Jumped out. Made fishing pole. Fished piranha out. On land, piranha flopped, attacked, killed Maxwell. Level failed.

Great, you managed to get past the bee after 5 tries. Still not very imaginative with an exterminator, but it worked. Then you promptly failed the next part.

Attempt 6: Made exterminator. Exterminator fumigated bee. Did not grab first flower. Approached piranha lake. Made fishing boat. Dropped big boat into lake. Boat must have crushed flower. Level failed.

I can actually see this as being an honest mistake.

Attempt 7: Made exterminator. In a twist, exterminator failed to fumigate bee. Bee attacked fleeing exterminator. Bee stung exterminator to death. Bee killed flower basket girl. Level failed.

Fuck your exterminator in it’s goddamn face. You need to go 187 on that fucking bee.

Attempt 8: Made gun. Shot bee dead. Gun disappeared. Made gun again. Approached piranha lake. Attempted to shoot piranha dead. Bad shooting angle and touchy controls prevented this. Either was too far away and shooting into ground (game was connecting Maxwell’s gun to fish in straight line; allowing me to select a “shoot” prompt when tapping on piranha, even though trajectory was blocked. New idea: Made corpse. Threw corpse into piranha lake. Piranha attacked corpse. Dove for flower. Piranha finished corpse and ate Maxwell. Level failed.

Look who finally got some balls. I wouldn’t have gone with the corpse thing myself, first I would of tried ‘Piranha seeking missle’.

Attempt 9: Made gun. Shot bee dead. Made hand grenade. Tossed it into piranha lake. Greande killed fish. Grenade killed flower. Level failed.

Well someone watched Crocodile Dundee, although he fished with a stick of dynamite. Also Grenades don’t kill flowers, stop being so melodramatic. And it’s spelled ‘Grenade’.

Attempt 10: Made gun. Tried to shoot bee dead. Bullet ricocheted and destroyed first flower. Level failed.

You would admit this?

Attempt 11: Made beekeeper. Beekeeper fled from bee (?). Made exterminator. Exterminator killed bee. Made fisherman. Fisherman cowered near piranha lake (??). Made fishing pole and gave to fisherman. Fisherman looked like he was about to fish but instead fell into lake and was eaten. (Some of the characters are kind of dumb.) Made another fisherman. Gave him pole. Couldn’t figure out how to make fisherman fish. Accidentally made Maxwell fall in lake. Piranha latched on. Death. Level failed.

The key here is to not rely on the games AI. Makes sense when someone says it out loud right? Thought so.

Attempt 12: Made hot air balloon. Put Maxwell in it. Flew over piranha lake. Made gun. Shot at fish. Gun destroyed hot air balloon instead. Fell into lake. Jumped out of lake. Made corpse. Threw it into lake to draw fish away. Made gun to shoot fish while it ate corpse. Shots didn’t hit. Made new corpse and tried with sniper rifle. Didn’t work. Dove in and just grabbed flower. Success. Bee was gone. Put lake flower in basket. Put bee flower in basket. Made helicopter to get to high ridge for final flower. Was afraid to land helicopter on ledge, out of fear of destroying flower. Tried to jump out of helicopter. Fell into piranha lake. Died. Level failed.

I’d say 80% of people who look at the level think ‘hot air balloon’ for grabbing the cliff flower, apparently he decides a helicopter will be better and fails.

Attempt 13: Made gun. Shot bee dead. Got first flower. Made two corpses. Tossed them into piranha lake for distraction. Dove and recovered second flower. Made truck and dumped it into lake. Did same with a boat. Tried climbing over those vehicles to get to ledge and final flower. Vehicles shifted; Maxwell thrown into ridge wall. Died. Level failed.

Don’t fill the fucking lake up, FLY OVER IT YOU IMBECILE. If you want to not fly create ‘Jesus holding a table over his head’, then you can just ride on the table while Jesus walks on water.

Attempt 14: Made gun. Shot bee dead. Made hot air balloon. Flew to ridge. Got out, grabbed flower. Parked balloon plummeted to lake and killed lake flower. Level failed.

That’s what you get for not dealing with the lake before the cliff. I see you’re also going with that ‘flying’ concept again. Nice.

Attempt 15. Same as Attempt 14, except replace “gun” with “machete;” and “shot” with “chopped after accidentally destroying nearby house.” Level failed.

Who the fuck knows what you did this time. Next time type ‘dildo’ and slap yourself with it, maybe it will give you special powers.

Attempt 16. Made gun. Shot bee dead. Made hot air balloon. Flew to ridge. Got out, grabbed flower. Got back in balloon. Safely put cliff flower in basket. Put bee flower in basket. Threw corpses into piranha lake to distract fish. Dove in and grabbed lake flower. Jumped out. Put lake flower in basket. Starite found! Success!

I love how you keep doing the same thing over again. What you can infer from this is that you screwed up and felt you could do it better a second time. This in turn means anyone who doesn’t suck at video games will do rather well at this game, and won’t fuck up every time.

Take his experience as you will, and also note that he loved every minute of it. It really seems that using things that use AI or require tricky controls are a recipe for disaster. That said, with everyone ranting and raving about this game it could be the next great thing. Unlike Halo or Madden X though, your success in it depends on your creativity and imagination. I for one will try to stab the bee with a tainted aids needle.