Oh top 10 lists, how useless and stupid you are. One day an intelligent fellow realized people will click on anything that says ‘top 10′, probably due to the conditioning we’ve received from David Letterman. Top 10 lists should be great, if someone were to go out and do actual research they could be fun and interesting, but instead they’re used for quick content.

This is exactly what I’m doing right now, I went with top 8 simply because the article was getting too long.

1. Top 10 Street Fighter Characters

10 – Blanka
9 – M. Bison
8 – Akuma
7 – Gouken
6 – Guile
5 – Sagat
4 – Chun Li
3 – Zangief
2 – Ryu
1 – Ken

This list is absolutely meaningless, the top 10 Street Fighter characters? This list actually came out after Street Fighter 4, the same game where Ryu is a higher tier than Ken, but that is beside the point. You can certainly try and rank Street Fighter characters, but how good they are entirely depends on who the character is against as well as who is controlling them.

Case in point, Justin Wong could beat you with Dan.

Choice quotes from the list:

“Guile has the coolest hair of anyone in the series.”
“FOR MOTHER RUSSIA!”
“While Ken isn’t the face of the franchise, he narrowly edges out Ryu with the longer reach of his dragon punch. Sure, Ryu can throw fireballs faster, but fireballs are child’s play compared to the manliness of face to face combat.”

2. Top 10 Unreleased Games

10. Tiberium (Xbox360)
9. Shenmue 3 (Xbox)
8. Full Throttle 2 (Playstation 2)
7. StarCraft: Ghost (Playstation 2, Xbox, Gamecube)
6. Sonic Xtreme (Sega Saturn)
5. Capcom Fighting Allstars (Playstation 2)
4. Star Fox 2(Super Nintendo)
3. Earthbound 64 (Nintendo 64)
2. Mario 64-2 (Nintendo 64)
1. Duke Nukem Forever (PC)

Again with this site, if it only has lists it’s bound to have a shitty one or 123. Now with the list, who really cares? Most of these games didn’t come out because the idea was flimsy, it cost too much, or they didn’t have the right developers. If by some miracle any of them did come out, they would be giant piles of shit, and would of been mentioned in the same sentence as Superman 64.

Choice quotes:
“The ultimate in vaporware.”

3. Top 10 Most Annoying Video Game Broads

10. Ashley Williams, Mass Effect
9. Talim, Soulcalibur
8. Wendy Oldbag, Phoenix Wright
7. Pauline, Donkey Kong
6. Yukari Takeba, Persona 3
5. Beggars, Assassin’s Creed
4. Sarah Flores, Alone in the Dark
3. Amy Rose, Sonic the Hedgehog
2. Princess Daisy, Mario series
1. Ashley Graham, Resident Evil 4

There are certain lists that you can do to guarantee hits on your site, anything to do with villans, and anything to do with chicks. Ladies hold a special place in every gamer’s heart, and in video games they’re rendered perfectly. Just how I wondered how to make a unique top 10 list and did this, these guys figured out how to do a unique top 10 list about video game girls.

I’m sure it worked swimmingly too.

Choice quotes:
“Princess Daisy is little more than a palette-swap of Peach. For that reason alone, I find her sickeningly obnoxious. She has no real personality.”
“Rather than lighting Humanz on fire, I wanted to take an improvised Molotov cocktail to this nagging, foul-mouthed, shrew of a character.”
“So help me, if I can’t shoot the Ganado that’s carrying her away, it’s game ov– damn.”

4. Why Video Games Aren’t Just For Kids: The Top 10 Video Games To Improve Senior Health

1. Brain Age and Brain Age2
2. BrainBashers.com
3. Wii Golf
4. Dancing with the Stars
5. Tetris
6. NASCAR 09
7. Guild Wars
8. Pogo.com
9. Scrabble
10. Grandparent Games

So this is an odd one, a top 10 list from a non-gaming website about games! I like the angle too, improving senior health, because they beat Kotaku to the punch (eventually Kotaku does everything). The only odd thing about this list is Guild Wars, I was puzzled so I read the description:

This PC game is available in Windows format only, and is developed by ArenaNet. It’s an episodic series of role-playing games on multiplayer online mode.

Guild Wars is in fact popular with both the younger and the older crowd – so you’ll have plenty of youthfulness to keep you company while the game sharpens your wits at the same time.

Way to explain yourself Health Watch Center.

Choice quotes:
“If you’re not into race car driving, you can try the other driving and flying video games, which will keep your wits razor sharp.”
“If, for one reason or another, you have decided to quit playing golf – you can still have a go at it with the help of a video game like the Nintendo Wii Golf.”
“The site is suitable for seniors who are not really into racing, war games or strategic games”

5. Top 10 games you missed while PS3 was expensive

10. Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction
9. MotorStorm
8. Resistance 2
7. Heavenly Sword
6. Warhawk
5. inFAMOUS
4. Killzone 2
3. Metal Gear Solid 4
2. Uncharted
1. Little Big Planet

Well this is nice, a little list highlighting the best PS3 games because people can now afford the system. I was totally with this list until I read number one, Little Big Planet. Let’s do those Top 3 again:

3. Little Big Planet
2. Uncharted
1. MOTHERFUCKING MGS4 up in this piece

What the fuck is wrong with you laforda.com? LBP better than MGS4? It even has a cooler looking acronym.

Also, take off Heavenly Sword and MotorStorm.

Choice quotes:
“This was one of the titles that was around during release of the system and is just plain fun. From ground combat to tanks to planes, this game has it all.”
“For all you God of War fans out there that need a fix while waiting for GOW3 to release next year, this is the title for you.”

6. Top 10 Things We Want in the Next WoW Expansion

10. Better Default UI
9. More World PvP
8. New Starting Areas
7. More Scripted Stuff
6. Graphical Upgrade
5. Better Support for Mods
4. More Classes
3. Pirates!
2. Public Quests
1. Pandaren Brewmasters

Fuck WoW, NEXT!

Choice quotes:
“Okay, what’s cooler than anthropomorphisized pandas? ”
“World of Warcraft is over four years old at this point, and while its art design has let it aged gracefully, it has aged nevertheless.”

7. Gamer Limit Top 10: Cancelled Games

10. Donkey Kong Racing
9. Dead Phoenix
8. Glover 2
7. Shenmue III
6. Kirby’s New Adventure
5: Winter
4. Metroid Dread
3. Chrono Break
2. Starfox 2
1. Super Mario 128

This looks oddly like a list we already covered, “Top 10 Unreleased Games”! As you can see, you can pretty much come up with whatever, and as long as you number your items you’ve got a list! Unlike videogamelists.com, you can tell gamerlimit.com are a bunch of ‘discerning gamers’ because of stuff like Glover 2 and Winter on the list.

Seriously boys, we measure our cocks by length in inches and not knowledge in video games.

Choice quotes:
“After 9 years of being led on, they screwed us over.”
“I love Nintendo, I love them with all my gaming heart; but each and every night before I sleep I silently curse them and their infernal Nintendo 64″
“Goodbye Glover, we hardly knew ye.”

8. Top Ten Shameful Games

10. Impossible Mission (Atari 7800)
9. Donkey Kong (Intellivision)
8. Bebe’s Kids (Super NES)
7. E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial (Atari 2600)
6. Atari 5200 Joysticks
5. Action 52 (Sega Genesis and Nintendo Entertainment System)
4. Pac-Man (Atari 2600)
3. Superman (Nintendo 64)
2. Super Pitfall (Nintendo Entertainment System)
1. Custer’s Revenge (Atari 2600)

First off, this list is spread over 4 pages, which is fucking ludicrous. I believe there to be an unwritten rule (it’s pretty much a written rule on GolgoCast) not to talk about stuff older than the NES, we don’t mention Model Ts everytime we talk about cars. I’ll cut them some slack since this is from 2002, Superman 64 was only 3 years old, but it’s still better to talk about things that aren’t a decade old.

Relevant lists are relevant.

Choice quotes:
“I know what you’re thinking: “But Impossible Mission on the Commodore 64 and Apple II was a GREAT game! How dare you lump it in with the rest of this garbage!” ”
“The “winner” was Bebe’s Kids, a piece of 16-bit garbage you may have missed, but only if you were lucky.”
“Unfortunately, in the cold, hard reality of bad game design, N64 Superman traveled faster than a speeding bullet… into the trash cans of N64 owners everywhere. “

So there you go, the ‘Top 8 Worst Video Game Top 10 Lists’, except it wasn’t! You see, I didn’t do any research either and instead did a search on the gaming subreddit (reddit.com) for ‘Top 10′. Then again, who cares anyway, the only time you click on a top 10 list is if you want to keep yourself busy for 5 minutes. In that case, may I suggest Cracked.com.