While browsing these things called ‘the internets’, I’ve noticed that the general ‘gaming’ population has as, at best, a loose grasp on grammar and spelling. Now, while there is nothing I can do to help those particular aspects, I can assist on something else gamers fail at: their gamertags.

I assume many gamers give up rather quickly when picking out a gamertag and write down whatever comes to mind first. You see, that gamertag is the only thing preventing you from going online and playing with your douchebag friends, as we all know douchebags travel in packs. So you try to be cool and type in ‘TigerClaw, but it’s taken! Suddenly, you decide to add 29 to the end of it, and you’re off to the races. You just made your first mistake.

There are certain rules when it comes to gamertags, the rules link to handy examples of actual gamertags:

- No numbers at the end of your name
- None of that Xx or xX shit, as well as Zz or single letters like ‘xsomethingx’
- Only one letter can be substituted with a similar number, for instance you can replace an E with a 3
- You cannot just use your full name, nor your first name (without being clever, ie ‘RonCore‘)
- IT SHOULDN’T BE ALL UPPERCASE
- If the word actually ends in a ‘s’, a ‘z’ does not suffice
- None of that Twiztid shit, no rappers in your goddamn name
- Also, none of this AZN garbage.
- Let’s not randomly capitalize letters in your name
- You can’t just hit random letters
- Refrain from using stupid shit from movies
- The name of your favorite or current car does belong in your gamertag
- Generic I play video games names must go
- Your gamertag must be spelled correctly
- Throwing words together you think are awesome does not a name make
- Spaces in between the letters in your name isn’t really cool, I’m s e r i o u s

Also, don’t put these words in your name:
- Army
- Shadow
- Reaper
- Killa or killer
- Spartan
- Cyber
- Unknown
- Dogg
- Blu
- Marine
- Vortex

Now, not all gamertags suck, here are some good ones I came across in writing this article:

Emptyjar
UnclaspedDeb
Playful Pinky
NuclearPenguins

Unfortunately, the list is pretty short. I also came across gamertags so horrid I had to single them out, they are:

llxBLADExll
GhStRdR2k

I literally could do this for several hours, right now I’m forcing myself away from the Official Xbox Forums so I can do my actual job. Please remember these rules carefully the next time one of your friends decides to create a gamertag, or else you’re an idiot who should get cancer of the stomach. And groin. And then a car should hit you, and your favorite pet.