Nintendo Wii U Tablet Screen Resolution Revealed

Here at Golgotron, we consider ourselves scientists. We go where others dare not go, and we get the info others dare not get. So, when we were introduced to the Nintendo Wii U and realized that Nintendo only had some of the answers to our many questions, we set out to find the answers ourselves. We found one.

What is the screen resolution of that fancy wireless LCD built into the Wii U tablet controller?
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Duke Nudem: Duke Nukem marketing with video game porn

It shouldn’t be surprising that 2K Games has opted to promote Duke Nukem Forever with straight-up porn. I mean, from the very beginning of the series, Duke has been portrayed as a violent, beefy, sexist, gun-totin’ macho man. So really, it’s only fitting.

If you’ll recall, this isn’t the first video game promoted with flesh, but I’d dare to say they put in some effort this time around. Duke Nudem, a genuinely interactive Flash game with actual flashing, does a better job of recreating the game experience than most other Flash-based marketing I’ve seen. There are four distinct levels with progressive difficulty, a “boss” character (played by Rosie Jones, FTW), and unlockable rewards*. Hell, you can even ruin the experience with a cheat code if you want… and if that doesn’t sell you, I don’t know what would. Continue reading…

XBOX Kinect Can’t Play Street Fighter

Rich was excited about Kinect. I was excited about the PlayStation Move. While both are mostly useless right now, I truly believe the Move has potential. Kinect, on the other hand, has nowhere to go but drunken frat parties and childhood sleepovers.

“Don’t worry about the gas or brake…”

… because Joyride takes care of that for you!

Yup, that’s a feature, and it was the last straw for me.

To be honest, I had fun playing with Kinect for a while, and that might even continue, but I just can’t take it seriously. Not even a little bit. Just like the Wii when it was first introduced (that is, without the WiiMotion Plus), the hardware just doesn’t have the precision necessary to accommodate anything but trivial “party” games. And by party games, I mean games whose outcome is unimportant because you’re too loaded to care.

Before the Wii came out, I explained to the world that it just didn’t have what it takes. I used the Street Fighter Argument™:

If a control system is not capable of both quickly and accurately determining a user’s intention when  more than three potential inputs exist, it’s a piece of crap.

Look it up.

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TreasureBox at PAX Prime 2010 – We Gave Away Prizes

The Penny Arcade Expo has come and gone.  It was a blast, and the good news is that we’re now three weeks closer to the next one.

So why should you look forward to this event?  Number one reason: the ChatterBox TreasureBox Video Game Trivia Show.  In case you didn’t know, ChatterBox is an AM radio show and podcast out of Phoenix, AZ and an older member of the Golgotron family.  I’ve been doing the show for over six years now, and for most of that time, I’ve also been running the ChatterBox TreasureBox at PAX Prime.  For those who’ve attended, you know what it’s all about: we get a ton of prizes, pull three very lucky and genius people up on stage, and bombard them with video game trivia to baffle and entertain.  To keep it interesting, there’s a slew of questions and prizes for the audience as well.

Read on to see some of the trivia questions we asked, the stuff we gave away, and the sponsors who made it possible…  and for the first time ever, we’ve got video of the whole thing.

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Def Jam Rapstar: Homie Don’t (Know How To) Play Dat

A few days ago, without much explanation, @defjamrapstar sent me this video.  Presumably, the intention of the video is to highlight the up-and-coming Def Jam Rapstar game, due out this October.  However, after watching, I’m still not sure what this game is all about.  I mean, I guess the point is to get the white boys rappin’, but this white boy is confused.  Am I supposed to follow the bouncing ball? Continue reading…

How to get to the top of an XBOX leaderboard: A Castlevania Tale of Harmony and Despair

See that right there?  That’s me at the top of the leaderboard for the new Castlevania: Harmony of Despair (Chapter 1) game for XBOX Live Arcade.  You might ask yourself, how can I be so incredible to get to the tippity-top of an XBOX Live leaderboard?  Well, you can’t get to the tippity-top because there will always be someone better than you to steal away first place.  Second place, however, is easily attainable.  Just follow these three easy steps:
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JV Games Wants You to "Get Your Balls Wet" with Grandma and Grandpa. Golgotron Takes Notice.

Sadly, this is not a joke…  Not at all.

The life of a wannabe gaming journalist involves many press releases.  Too many, in fact, because the vast majority go unread.  Of course, this fact is not lost on the PR companies and the result is increasingly sensational headlines, or to be more exact, subject lines.  To illustrate this point, I give you Pong Toss Pro – Frat Party Games and the completely unedited release I recently received for this surefire blockbuster.

from    Reverb Games News <danitra@reverbinc.com>
date    Wed, Apr 21, 2010 at 6:02 AM
subject    Get Your Balls Wet With Pong Toss Pro Coming to a Wii Near You!
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