The Archives
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11.18.09Josh’s guide to creating your gamertag
While browsing these things called ‘the internets’, I’ve noticed that the general ‘gaming’ population has as, at best, a loose grasp on grammar and spelling. Now, while there is nothing I can do to help those particular aspects, I can assist on something else gamers fail at: their gamertags.
I assume many gamers give up rather quickly when picking out a gamertag and write down whatever comes to mind first. You see, that gamertag is the only thing preventing you from going online and playing with your douchebag friends, as we all know douchebags travel in packs. So you try to be cool and type in ‘TigerClaw, but it’s taken! Suddenly, you decide to add 29 to the end of it, and you’re off to the races. You just made your first mistake.
There are certain rules when it comes to gamertags, the rules link to handy examples of actual gamertags:
- No numbers at the end of your name
- None of that Xx or xX shit, as well as Zz or single letters like ‘xsomethingx’
- Only one letter can be substituted with a similar number, for instance you can replace an E with a 3
- You cannot just use your full name, nor your first name (without being clever, ie ‘RonCore‘) Continue Reading… -
08.05.09Scribblefail: How to suck at scribblenauts
So, on Kotaku Stephen Totilo was given an advanced copy of Scribblenauts, and he wrote a little article about one of his experiences. This is odd; while Kotaku receives pretty much every game they rarely review or talk about them. Way to raise the bar Stephen, you’ve raised the quality of Kotaku from OK! Magazine to US Weekly.
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07.22.09Gamestop Doesn’t Hurt New Game Sales: Now Shut Up
Last week, on a whim, I decided to read a couple articles about David Jones, the creator of Crackdown (the videogame, for realz). Apparently he found used games in his vagina and is now contributing their sale to the lack of new games sold. In particular, his game. This also reminded me of when I read about how Dead Space sold 1.5 million copies while 3 million people have played it. This may sound alarming, but I assure you it is not. What is alarming though, is how much publishers and developers are bitching about the used game market.
To them I have one thing to say; suck my fucking cock. Continue Reading…
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07.09.09Gaikai – Initial Impressions on Streaming Video Games
By now, you have probably heard all about OnLive, but I doubt you’ve heard of Gaikai. Gaikai was actually the first interactive-game-streaming nonsense to be announced, Onlive came later. Now I have certain choice words for both products, both good and bad, but before I elaborate watch this awesome video: Continue Reading…
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07.09.09Puzzle Bobble: Love, You Don’t Get Enough.
In the event that you didn’t know, you really should have circled July 29th on your game calendar, Space Bust a Move for the Nintendo DS (That is Space Puzzle Bobble for you “cool” people) is going to rock your puzzle game playing ass off. I thought I would give you a friendly reminder and take a look at why Bub, Bob, and that crazy bubble launching arrow thingie kick so much ass. Continue Reading…
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07.09.09Battlefield 1943 – Don’t Buy This Trash
In case you haven’t heard, the XBLA version of Battlefield 1943 is a bit wonky. The word wonky can be a bit general, so let me specify: THE GAME DOESN’T FUCKING WORK. Yes that’s right dear readers, you will pay $15 dollars only for having the pleasure of owning another EA title, rather than being able to play it. Internet peoples have been reporting that they either cannot connect to servers, or get extreme lag when they do. So why are these mouthbreathers complaining then, can’t they play single player? No you fucking cunt, the game is online only. But then again you take these sort of chances when purchasing an EA game, or should we say, interactive-titlescreen-demos.
The only reason I post this is because I read a recent tumblr blog post from Mr. Ron Workman himself which is titled “Dear EA Games: Fuck Your Shit!” Continue Reading…
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07.07.09Nostalgia: In retrospect, Alon’s Always Wrong
Recently, Alon posted an article about playing old games and peoples’ apparent inability to refrain from buying shitty games like Golden Axe, Streets of Rage 2, (none of which I think suck BTW) and TMNT: Turtles in Time. Now, I am sure we all know that the TMNT:TIT remake is not out yet. Assuming the game is trash despite the fact that the game play has changed a bit, and considering it’s based on arguably one of the better arcade brawlers I have ever played, is a little short-sighted. Continue Reading…
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07.06.09Nostalgia is a cold-hearted bitch.
Did you know that Teenage Mutant Turtles: Turtles in Time was remade for XBOX Live Arcade? Yeah, it’s apparently the new hotness.
So how does it make you feel? If you’re about my age (read: old), you probably remember playing one of the TMNT games in the arcade when it was the new hotness. What does that do for you? Does the fact that you played it years ago make it awesome again? If you’re like most everyone else, and you are, the answer to that question is yes. A blind and pathetic yes. Continue Reading…
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07.01.09How Nintendo Blew it
[Note: This article is brought to you by The Game Dish, definitely give it a visit.]
The Wii is a triumph of marketing and philosophy. Bring the games out of the niche and into the family room and the retirement home. But for all its success, it’s a technical failure.I know, I know, it’s heresy to say anything negative about the big N. And the current console “war” (not much of a war any more, is it?) is all the evidence we need that Nintendo is doing just fine, thank you.
But Nintendo blew it. They blew it with the Wii, and they’re blowing it with the DSi.
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06.23.09The Internet wasteland known as the Prototype Forums.
Every once and awhile I like to highlight the actions of the lowest form of the gaming republic, forum fanbois. These mouthbreathers lurk in the official forums of games and only exist to complain about the most meaningless mechanic. Today we’ll visit the Activision forum and take a look at the fanbois for Activision’s latest game, Prototype. Please note: if you have anger issues you might not want to read this; trying to punch them through the internet will only result in a broken monitor.
Continue Reading…
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From the Blogs
- Gaming, Porn, & Synergy: Playboy does Bayonetta (poorly)
January 30, 2010 | 12:10 pmJust as American Idol attracts a subset of “singers” who have no business performing in public, Playboy is inundated with audition photos from women who simply shouldn’t be seen in public. Those are the girls Playboy puts in gaming shoots.
But there’s a more important question to be asked. Push yourself past the apparent fact that [...] - Porn & Pong: Mass Effect was a step in the right direction.
October 5, 2009 | 2:32 pmA month ago, when I was at PAX, I picked up a fun little book entitled Porn & Pong: How Grand Theft Auto, Tomb Raider and Other Sexy Games Changed Our Culture By Damon Brown. As the title suggests, it was about how the game industry intertwines with the Larry Flint and Hugh Hefner’s naked [...]
- Batman=DDR: Quick Time Events done Right.
October 2, 2009 | 5:13 pmGameinformer.com went live several days ago, and with it came a feature about tidbits in Rocksteady’s Batman: Arkham Asylum. The short feature talked about some of the smaller details about the game that are largely overlooked; like where the sound effect for the explosive gel came from. Out of all of these, one tidbit caught [...]
Archive for From the Blogs »
- Gaming, Porn, & Synergy: Playboy does Bayonetta (poorly)
We get our news from Destructoid- GDC 10: Puzzle Quest 2 will ruin your lifeLook, I knew I would be seeing Puzzle Quest 2 today, all day. My scheduled meeting was later in the afternoon, but leading up to that time, I became increasingly nervous about finally getting my hands on the game. You see, the first Puzzle Quest made a sizable dent in my remaining lifespan. I have given too large a portion of my existence to t […]
- Will Wright says the Wii is a toyIconic game designer Will Wright has described the Wii as more of a toy than a gaming console, and believes the system should be considered as such. Before you get your torches and pitchforks though, bear in mind that he doesn't mean that as a bad thing. "I think the Wii is a very unique platform, and that's kind of its core valu […]
- GDC 10: Why gaming veterans are flocking to social gamingThe names Brenda Brathwaite, Brian Reynolds, Noah Falstein and Steve Meretzky may not be instantly recognizable, but their gamemaking pedigrees are more than enough proof of their service to core gamers. Meretzky created, among other things, the Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy computer game alongside Douglas Adams. Brathwaite started her c […]
- GDC 10: Transformers: War for Cybertron meets my eyeWhat if you were to build a full-on third-person shooter from the ground up, with the controls and action that you're used to, and then work the world of Transformers on top of it? That's exactly what they did with Transformers: War for Cybertron. This way, the design focus was on control, and the end result of this is a game with thi […]
- GDC 10: Teaching child violence prevention through gamingAllan McCullough is a man with a very noble quest. He wants to help educate children so that they know how to deal with violence. How does he plan to do it? Videogames. As someone who loves to see developers use the power of games to do good, his GDC session, titled "Violence Prevention - Playing a Video Game Can Make a Difference", s […]
- EA Sports Active 2.0 coming to PS3, snubs Xbox 360Well, the console wars are officially over. Electronic Arts has announced that cynical "me too" fitness game, EA Sports Active 2.0, is coming to multiple platforms, but will skip the Xbox 360 for some reason. The Wii, PS3, and even iPhone are getting a version, but Microsoft has been left in the cold. The PS3 version looks like it […]
- Yggdra Union prequel announced for PSP, Blaze UnionIf you like obscure Japanese strategy RPGs, then you best dust off your PSP. Atlus is publishing a new SRPG that acts as a prequel to Yggdra Union called Blaze Union: Story to Reach the Future. Yes, that sounds like the kind of name a Japanese SRPG would have. Blaze Union will have players step into the boots of female warrior Garlot, a red-ha […]
- Square Enix ships five million Final Fantasy XIIIsDid you know that Final Fantasy XIII is kind of a big deal? Apparently it is, because Square Enix has revealed that five million copies of the thing has shipped worldwide. Three million of those games have infiltrated North America and Europe. Yeah, this game is rather large. XIII is still selling really well in Japan, having launched for the P […]
- Final Fantasy XIII on Xbox 360 'not a hard decision'With Final Fantasy XIII finally releasing in North America, Square Enix president Yoichi Wada has touched upon the always controversial decision to port the game to Xbox 360. According to Wada, it wasn't a hard decision to make. His team wanted to do it, and the install base was such that it was essentially a no-brainer. "The Xbox tea […]
- Why did nobody tell me about Flip's Twisted World?Okay, this is a game I have not seen before. It's a game many people have not seen before. This makes no sense whatsoever, as it looks exactly like the kind of game that should be slapping Wii owners in the face and demanding their attention. Flip's Twisted World has an open platforming design and visual style that draws out memo […]
- GDC 10: Puzzle Quest 2 will ruin your life