So, I know this site has a lot of negative posts, and I did originally intend this post to be positive. I had a great time playing Left 4 Dead 2, it’s the original Left 4 Dead x 5. Of course I played it during E3, and as we didn’t have 10 people there I was quite busy taking pictures and whatnot. Well, now everyone and their mother has reviewed L4D2, so there really isn’t a point in me reviewing it. You see, the reviews are positive, and mine would be as well. Instead, I’d like to talk to all you L4D2 protesters and make one simple request. Go die in a car fire.

Valve is not a company that does things very fast, in fact Valve has their own theory of time called ‘Valve Time‘. Click on that link if you don’t believe me, notice the url is ValveSoftware.com. So, apparently Left 4 Dead Protesters (from now on known as L4DPs) are ecstatic that they have to wait years between Valve games, anything that comes out sooner bunches their panties into a wad. Now I’m going to assume most of these people paid the full price when the game came out, but I’m sure the truth is 90% bought it when it was 25 bucks on the half price weekend. They’ve played it a bit since then, but feel ripped off when a sequel was announced so early. They’re probably thinking, “I’ve barely even gotten into the game yet!” or, “I so <3 Zoey and the new one has a black chick!". I know what you're thinking dear reader, and you are correct. L4DPs are casual gaming racists.

To address the first fake quote, many people have already gotten their moneys worth and then some. It's nice that Valve releases updates, and they have publicly stated they still will for L4D. Just because you play a campaign every weekend doesn't mean that L4D2 is coming out too early, you just play too infrequently. I have the Zombie Genocide Achievement which means I've killed 53,595 zombies, I definitely got my money's worth. Anyway, I know L4DPs are the same people who bought Rockband 1, Rockband 2, and will then buy Rockband Beatles and Lego Rockband (not to mention all the DLC along the way). They justify those purchases because they're used to those games coming out every year, but when Valve releases a sequel a year later they get all hot and bothered. They didn't just throw a skin on L4D, these are new survivors in a new setting with new infected types and new weapons. They also updated their omnipresent AI Director to its newest version which does some new tricks uniquely suited to L4D2. It seems they also wanted to add a bit more story to the game so you out that in your bucket as well. When looking at the sum of all of these updates it makes sense it comes to us in a new game as opposed to being patched back into L4D; if you patched them all in you'd basically be patching in an entire new game. Basically, if you thought about it for a second instead of being such a petulant child you would realize the logic and reasoning behind such a move.

The second point was, of course, a joke. There is some little truth to it though, people have come to love Bill, Zoey, Louis, and Francis. The problem is there isn't much to them, we don't even hear much dialog between them other than asides and elevator talk. Apparently the new survivors have individual backstories that are revealed through their dialogue throughout the campaigns. They even got some fancy voice actors too, they got that one crazy dude from Generation Kill (Eric Laden) to voice Ellis and that other boxing guy (Chad Coleman) from The Wire to voice the coach (but sadly no Dom from Gears of War). It really seems that since L4D was so widely accepted Valve decided to go overboard on improving it, to the point where they made an entire sequel to the original game. THESE ARE GOOD THINGS, just think about it for a second and you’ll come to that conclusion as well.

Anyway, I have spoken too much about this stupid subject. Other blogs have covered this as well and they’re all saying the same goddamn thing, STFU and be happy they updated it so soon. L4DPs bring down the IQ of the Internet in general, they’re the kind of people who spell definitely definately. Get some class guys, you need it.