The Last Temptation of Microsoft

Microsoft has either gone completely nuts or they finally grew a soul. Or, more realistically, they’re announcing a new console at E3 and they’re trying to liquidate their warehouses full of Xbox 360′s. In any case, Microsoft announced something spectacular in a blog post the other day.

They’re giving away a 4GB Xbox 360 to any student that purchases a laptop for the upcoming school year. The “catch” is that it has to be a minimum purchase of $699.99 and you have to be able to prove you’re a student. Just buy a laptop between May 22nd and September 3rd and show participating retailers your school ID. If you’re shopping online, all you need is an email ending in .edu and you’ll be good to go.

For those of you still in college, in desparate need of a new laptop, and still don’t have an Xbox 360, this is like a sign from above telling you what to do. Good timing too, since you’re gonna need all that extra computing power when the rapture hits tomorrow. Nothing says “ascension to the heavens” quite like “Windows 7.”

PSA: Escalation Map Pack for Black Ops Available May 3rd

Today, Major Nelson officially confirmed the next Call of Duty: Black Ops map pack. This second piece of DLC is called “Escalation” and features 5 new maps: Convoy, Zoo, Stockpile, Hotel, and another zombie map!

The DLC drops on May 3rd for Xbox 360. As usual, PS3 and PC will get the content a bit later. While we don’t have further details, it’s pretty safe to assume that Escalation will be priced similarly to all the other recent Call of Duty DLC.

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Time To Offer Saving To The Cloud

It was bound to happen someday, but when I got on the plane headed for home and realized I had left my flash drive on the hotel bed, my stomach sank and I began recounting all the countless hours put into Borderlands, Fallout, Final Fantasy XIII, Alan Wake, Mass Effect, and the other 300+ games I’d played since the Xbox 360 launch. So now what?

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Kinect Sells One Million Units in Ten Days

Despite being released well before the holiday season, Microsoft’s Kinect for Xbox 360 crossed the millionth-unit sold threshold in a just a week-and-a-half, giving Microsoft the shot in the arm it needed (the company has only led console sales for the past four months). With the holidays around the corner, Kinect, a motion sensor attachment for 360s, is projected to sell five million by year’s end. Already available in the US, Europe, and Asia, Kinect was also released in Japan on November 20th,  and soon will be available in 38 countries worldwide. Industry experts have already estimated that along with the Kinect sales boost, Xbox 360 is the favorite to pull ahead in the console wars due to big title releases like Call of Duty: Black Ops and Fable III, as well as the ever-expanding library of Xbox LIVE content.

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Call of Duty: Black Ops Hit Stores Yesterday

Oh my God. It seems like years have passed since I heard the very first rumors of Call of Duty: Black Ops. I believe I was playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, in fact. Since that day, my anticipation has only grown. News of RC cars packed with explosives and character customization filled my dreams. Aside from new game features, developer Treyarch has upgraded or boosted some old ones. What had me yelling “No shit!” at my computer screen was the news of interactive environments during online play. In past CoD games, players had to rely on already open doorways or windows to get around maps, but now there are doors that can be opened and closed, allowing access to secret pathways or simply providing a place to hide when an enemy is hot on your heels. Certain killstreak rewards will also leave permanent damage to the map. For instance, missile strikes will leave a wake of charred ground.

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Dragon Age Legends Brings Classic RPG Fun to Facebook

Building on the momentum of the highly-anticipated Dragon Age II, BioWare has announced the upcoming release of Dragon Age Legends, a Play4Free Facebook game that expands on the mythology and storyline of the popular RPG games. Adapted and custom-made for the social networking site, Dragon Age Legends promises to deliver the same rich plot and challenging quests that the console versions offer, but with a unique co-op mode only found on Facebook. As an added bonus, players can earn money by completing quests if they wish to expand their kingdoms, along with customizing their characters and upgrading weapons. On top of that, Dragon Age Legends gives them the chance to earn “unlocks” for the forthcoming Dragon Age II, which arrives March 8, 2011 for Xbox 360, PS3, and PC.

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XBOX Kinect Can’t Play Street Fighter

Rich was excited about Kinect. I was excited about the PlayStation Move. While both are mostly useless right now, I truly believe the Move has potential. Kinect, on the other hand, has nowhere to go but drunken frat parties and childhood sleepovers.

“Don’t worry about the gas or brake…”

… because Joyride takes care of that for you!

Yup, that’s a feature, and it was the last straw for me.

To be honest, I had fun playing with Kinect for a while, and that might even continue, but I just can’t take it seriously. Not even a little bit. Just like the Wii when it was first introduced (that is, without the WiiMotion Plus), the hardware just doesn’t have the precision necessary to accommodate anything but trivial “party” games. And by party games, I mean games whose outcome is unimportant because you’re too loaded to care.

Before the Wii came out, I explained to the world that it just didn’t have what it takes. I used the Street Fighter Argument™:

If a control system is not capable of both quickly and accurately determining a user’s intention when  more than three potential inputs exist, it’s a piece of crap.

Look it up.

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